I want some of the party favours given out backstage at Children In Need Rocks the Royal Albert Hall....
First up was Robbie Williams in his trademark inebriated state, evoking images of Michael Flatley's feet of flames, after a few too many babychams.
Then there was Paulo Nutini and his 'new shoes.'
I'm sure i'm not alone in being unable to comprehend a single syllable he uttered during his 3 minutes on stage.
Like a baby panda, he struggled to open his eyes, and seemed to be doing his best impression of a nodding Buster throughout.
Then I mused on Muse. I found no words.
Snow Patrol stole the show with their massive hit 'Chasing Cars' and then grabbed all the headlines with their collaboration with national treasure Cheryl Cole, who is no Martha Wainwright, but held her own throughout lesser known 'Set fire to the Third bar.'
I almost burst with excitement at the prospect of a long-awaited Lily Allen and Ceryl Cole 'Bitch Fight' until I found Cheryl using Dame Shirley Bassey as a human shield.
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